|| I've fallen ||

--Tuesday, October 19, 2004--

i feel like a total bitch.
so many things happened.
i am so lost.
i feel so scared.
will i ever lose you?
will you still feel the same after these whole thing?
i feel so insecure.
nobody understand what i'm going through.
its total hell.
i'm fallng sick again.
splitting headache.
block nose runny nose.
slight fever.
i dont know lah.
i just hope i fall sick and die lah.
nothing matter much anymore.
i did so badly for end of year.
what am i coming to?
i dont know.
i need you badly.

*Dee blogged at 10/19/2004 04:06:00 PM____

--Thursday, October 14, 2004--

i have majorly concluded, i have seriously put on weight.
fat fat fat is all i am now.
thats what i do everyday. eat sleep slack.
what a life.
one day all shall see.
i will run to the end of the world where no one can find me.
wouldnt that be better?
running away from present miseries.
i am already on the verge of breaking down.
dont be surprsised if one day, i'll run away from the world.
to a place far far away.
all alone by myself.
i guess that would make people around me happier.
wrong.
they wouldnt even notice i am gone.
they wouldnt give a shit whether i exist or not.
forget it. this is of no use.
one of these days, i'll pack my bags.
off to somehwere. a place where i feel i am much aprreciated.
wrong.
will i ever be appreciated?
i guess i better start planning.

*Dee blogged at 10/14/2004 10:07:00 AM____

--Tuesday, October 12, 2004--

things are different now.
should i be happy? should i be sad?
i know i cant live without you.
but can you live without me?
i dont know.
i really thought we could go far.
but things just didnt work out.
i need my baby.
by my side always.
never to leave me.
i want things to change.
i want to have what a 16 years old should have.
and if i was older, things would be different.
i am just helpless.
but i guess, i should be happy for what i have now.

i miss everything about you.
i wish you were mine once again.
but i know, i am just waiting for a miracle to happen.

still, i love you baby.((:

*Dee blogged at 10/12/2004 08:42:00 PM____

--Tuesday, September 21, 2004--

i havent been updating for a long time.
many things happened.
many things that i wish didnt happen.
i dont mind getting my old life back.
at least that way, i wont have people stalking me 24/7.
i think i have no life.
i cant make her happy.
i feel helpless.
i want to do somehting about thins whole matter.
i want to make situations better.
i want to make her happy.
i want to make her feel as if she is the happiest person on earth.
but i dont think i can.
i am useless.

anyway, oh. my birthday is in two weeks time.
thats fast.
another year has passed in a flash.
this year has been the happiest yet worst year ever.
this is the very first time in my life. i feel i am really happy.

22092004
happy first month girlfriend.
thank you for everything.
i feel belonged whenever i am with you.
you are everything a girl would want.
i am lucky to have you.
and i am getting to love you more and more each day.=)
i promise.

*Dee blogged at 9/21/2004 05:34:00 PM____

--Saturday, August 28, 2004--

pass few days were hell for me.
next few days too.
everything happened too suddenly.
i'm afraid i cant hold on any longer.
i cant take it anymore.
its too much for me.
no one understand what i am going through right now.
total hell.
i'll make my usual prayers.
hoping god will answer them
like how he used to answer my prayers.
i cant leave just like that.
if i leave, that means having to give up my life.
i need someone to lean on now.
will i pull through this?
do i really have to go through this all alone?

*Dee blogged at 8/28/2004 12:04:00 PM____

--Tuesday, August 24, 2004--

i am a happy girl.

common test for me this week.
and i realise, i am not studying.
mom is back again.
she's really free lah. every week come like that.
wont be leaving till saturday,
woo. saturday. not long at all what.
JUST VERY LONG ONLY.

22082004*happiestdayever.

*Dee blogged at 8/24/2004 09:21:00 PM____

--Saturday, August 21, 2004--

AVP for me, rese and girlfriend.
haha. it was funny.
though i did not get most of the parts.
i was wondering, if the alien's blood is acidic,
how come she could take the head as her armour?
haha. faint.
i am in a total deep shit please.
parents and auntie found out something.
and its gonna be a school matter too.
what am i to do if it comes to the worst?
i am scared. i really am.

*ithankgodforyou

*Dee blogged at 8/21/2004 08:36:00 PM____

--Tuesday, August 17, 2004--

actually i typed a very long entry already,
but i have decided not to publish it. haha.
so life has been better lately.
everything is going on well, and i hope it goes on like this.
i dont expect much. and i know i cant expect much.
so, i'm thankful for what i already have now.
last week was a pretty rocky week for me.
especially monday and tuesday.
but things got better towards the weekend.=)
girlfriend stayed over on friday.
mom came on saturday and did a little shopping
on sunday. though not many things bought, i'm happy.
haha. mom will be leaving tmr. thats good.
i cant wait. oh and i'm broke please.
there are a million and one things i want to get.
why? because mom wont get them for me.
e.g: that denim zara skirt. mom claim its too short.
i push it down, she lift up my tee and say, its too low.
faint. what does she want. okay. i seriously need to save money.
i am spending too much. how i wish my dad prints money.
wooo. dream come true. i'll own anything i want.
not all, but still, haha. so, common test for me next week.
i have not touched on anything yet.
i better start studying. i have to do well.
ACJC, here i come. actually, not necessarily AC.
any jc will do. as long as i can stay here.
i dont want to go america for now. unless things change.
then, we'll see.
oh and ronald susilo WON that geramn guy!
haha. i am so proud of my fellow country man.
too bad he already have a cheena girlfriend.
if not.. HEH HEH HEH!=)
okay lah, thursday, here i come.

*Dee blogged at 8/17/2004 04:15:00 PM____

--Tuesday, August 10, 2004--

i feel shit.

*Dee blogged at 8/10/2004 04:37:00 PM____

people say, when you are troubled,
its good to go to sleep.
and once you wake up, you'll feel a whole lot better.
so i dont know how, somehow,
this theory got me to believe it.
i dont know in what state of mind i was in
to actually belief it.
after lunch, my mood was tottaly ruined.
so, i tried going to sleep no matter how hyper i actually was.
i tried and i tried AND i tried.
so after much trying, i manage to sleep for a short 5 min
before my DARLING cousins start screaming waking me
from my so-believe-to-lighten-up-your-problems sleep.
i tried sleeping again.
so, i did.
i slept for a good 120 minutes.
before some unknown idiot start calling me again.
i didnt want to pick up.
but it just rang and rang and rang and rang.
i picked up. and i realise, its someone
i really didnt know.
its amazing how one's phone number can be passed
around the school within such a short period of time.
that unknown person seriously pissed me a whole lot.
i put down the phone. and tried getting back to sleep.
but i tried again, i just wont go back to sleep.
i woke up, and realised, the sleep
so DIDNOT HELP AT ALL.
i am so stupid to actually buy that dumb theory.
what was i thinking.

*Dee blogged at 8/10/2004 03:44:00 PM____

you are perfect they way you are.
why think you are never gonna be good enough for me.
when the fact is that you actualy are.
who says two people from two different world cant get together?
i am happy with you.
and i only want to be with you.
you arent a bastard.
and you know that.
i really do love you.
you claim that everything happened too quickly.
you need time.
if time is all you need, you've got it.
i'm willing to wait.
i truely am.
but i really want a promise from you
that after all these time, you spent alone with yourslef,
you're gonna come back the same.
i really do love you.
i love you more then anything in this world.
and i know you know that.

*you'rethereasonilive.

*Dee blogged at 8/10/2004 01:05:00 PM____

--Monday, August 09, 2004--

village for me today.
wasnt that good though.
not scary at all lah.
haha. then we walked around town.
i see many sjcians today i swear.
and the cinema wasnt as crowded
as i predicted.
i got all kanchiong for nothing.
i went to town like so super early.
how kiasu do i want to get?
girlfriend was still half awake can.
haha. faint.
i enjoyed myself today.=)

*Dee blogged at 8/09/2004 05:44:00 PM____

--Saturday, August 07, 2004--

We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lightning
youdon't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are
I've made it obviousDone everything but sing it
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
I've heard you talk about
How you want someone just like me
But everytime I ask you out
We never move pass friendly
And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
I need you, I want you to know
I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
I'm not so good with wordsAnd since you never notice
The way that we belongI'll say it in a love song
And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more then adore you but since you never seem to see
But you never seem to seeI'll say it in this love song

*Dee blogged at 8/07/2004 01:50:00 PM____

--Friday, August 06, 2004--

i feel a little better.=)

*Dee blogged at 8/06/2004 01:31:00 PM____

i feel lost.
i feel insecure.
i feel the world crumbling.
you weren't the same you anymore
after you read that entry.
you said it didnt effect you.
but obviously it did.
i dont care what others think.
so why must you?
you said you couldnt be bothered by what she said
but the truth is, you are.
i have made the decision.
and i'll stick to it no matter what happens.
i've fallen in too deep.
too late to turn back.
i just want to let you know
you mean alot to me.
i love you for who you are.
not for who you can/cannot become.
i dont know what exactly is going on in your little head.
i am clueless.
i am worried sick.
i want to know what you are exactly feeling right now.

*intoodeep.

*Dee blogged at 8/06/2004 12:37:00 PM____

--Sunday, August 01, 2004--

i swear zoo was fun.
we saw many many animals.
oh i finally saw my hippo.
zoo was okay at the begiining.
but towards the ending, wasnt feeling really good.
haha. i have no idea why too please.
girlfriend claims i have mood swing.
we took many mnay pictures.
and girlfriend dont want to take picture with me.
why? because she say she shy.
oh faint please. everyone faint now.
after zoo off we go to town.
we shopped around.
oh and i got a new pencil box.
hah. i love it please.
girlfriend got the same one as me.
after that we walked walked walked.
then off i go. was really pissed towards the end.
when i reach home, i read the letter gf gave me.
=).
everything was great lah i guess.=)
oh one more thing, gf is an ultra man freak.

I MISS THERESE HENG WEI LING

*Dee blogged at 8/01/2004 12:05:00 PM____

--Saturday, July 31, 2004--

me+ girlfriend+sheryl are off to the ZOO.

*Dee blogged at 7/31/2004 12:28:00 PM____

--Tuesday, July 27, 2004--

ok. so THERESE HENG is finally back!
i miss that girl lah.
we talked for the whole day.
and whatever she told me,
is really so true.
after school, we went to play pool.
i swear i suck at it lah.
i want to faint please.
but it was fun lah.

*Dee blogged at 7/27/2004 07:24:00 PM____

--Sunday, July 25, 2004--

FELICIA CHONG PEI WEN CLAIMED THAT SHE DID NOT SEE HER NAME AT THE PREVIOUS POST. IS SHE BLIND OR WHAT?

haha. fine. so i towned around yesterday
with FELICIA CHONG.
and i swear she is SO crappy.
yes. and beryl made both of us walk from heeren
ALL THE WAY to plaza sinagpura.
i can die please.
my leg almost broke.
haha. then wanted to watch fairytale.
but in the end there weren't any sits available.
so decided to watch mean girls.
even worse. fully booked.
i can kill myself i swear.
then walk walk walk.
crap crap crap.
beryl left.
we tried looking for movie again.
but as she claims, i am jinx.
so there werent any movie to watch.
so we have decided to go back cine.
this time, by cab.
because both of us really cannot make it.
then decided to go eat dinner.
at serangoon gardens.
we cabbed there.again.
haha. we are lazy people.
then meet sheryl and rina they all.
haha. after dinner all of us head home.
though we did practically nothing,
i had a great day.=)
thank you mimi crush. and please.
mean girls soon.

and oh yah one more thing, my phone is improved.
i am happy. haha. thank you mimi crush.

*Dee blogged at 7/25/2004 04:52:00 PM____

--Thursday, July 22, 2004--

i feel like jumping off the window right now.
i want to die.
i read something i did not want to read.
me and my stupid eyes.
ugh.

anyway, school was great and all.
but my hair was in a total mess.
reason being, i forogot to bring my whole chunk of clips.
i want to kill myself.
after school, had sss.
and the our whole 3f suddenly
consist only a total population of 10.
i dont know where the rest went.
but after sss, off to compass
with rese, ryl, and felicia.
ate at mos. lamed around.
then, off to cold storage to get cereal.
haha. but we ended up picking sweets.
headed for the cashier and home we go.

i reached home.
realise how freaking fat i really am.
i need a serious diet.
or even better, some liposucktion to remove fats.
haha. from now on, i am not eating
breakfast,recess, lunch and dinner.
just some soup or something for lunch and dinner.
i need serious dieting.
and i mean, SERIOUS.

*Dee blogged at 7/22/2004 06:18:00 PM____

--Tuesday, July 20, 2004--

i dont know why, i am not in a mood to blog today. i wonder why.

*Dee blogged at 7/20/2004 07:37:00 PM____

--Monday, July 19, 2004--

i had a great day today! =)
i had two free periods not
forgetting i can use the computer
in the computer lab
and play pool with rese,ryl, and xj.
me and rese totally laughed our ass out
during the two periods.
i wonder why. haha.
after that off to cp with nic, rese and ryl.
we were practically lazing around.
we talked about what is
the most romantic way someone
can propse to you. or rather place.
and i told them how i cant imagine
myself getting married. rese too.
she cant imagine hersef too.
we so do not have imagination. or rather I.

i do realise my birthday is coming.
which is in two months time.
it is freaky how time actually flies.
my 15th birthday was just like last month?
and when my birthday comes, that means
the end of year exam is around the corner.
and after the exam, it will soon be another
brand new year. Thats really fast.
it also means that the o's are drawing.
ok. i am serioualy freaked.
i dont think i can pass and go poly.
let alone go to a jc.
i think i better start studying already.

*Dee blogged at 7/19/2004 06:07:00 PM____

--Sunday, July 18, 2004--

This is the first thing I remember.
Now it's the last thing left on my min.
Afraid of the dark
do you hear me whisper
An empty heart replaced with paranoia
Where do we go
life's temporary
After we're gone like new years resolutions
Why is this hard
do you recognize me
I know I'm wrong but I can't help believing
I'm so lost I'm barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me
It's too late to save me
You're too late
You're cold with disappointment
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment
when you finally come to kill me.

*Dee blogged at 7/18/2004 02:50:00 PM____